An Immodest Proposal

Today is the day. The “Superbowl” of NASCAR Nextel Cup — the Daytona 500.

Lots of interesting stuff happened this week. Five crew chiefs fined and suspended; and five drivers docked hefty points for cheating. The big surprise was the #55 team. Micheal Waltrip was docked 100 driver points, 100 owner points and his team was fined $100,000 for a mystery fuel additive. So much for a great start for Toyota. But I do have a small problem with the penalty. NASCAR still doesn’t know what the alleged additive is, muchless where it came from. It could have been a concerted effort on the part of the team, the actions of a misguided crew member, or even the actions of someone not on the team — seeking to tarnish Toyota in their first Nextel Cup race. We may never know what really happened.

I’ll admit that I’m a Michael Waltrip fan, and I really hope he blows everyone’s doors off today. Maybe that would put a stop to the whining about Toyota joining the sport.

I was watching NASCAR Now on ESPN this week. (BTW, what’s up with the suits and ties?! I want Daryl, Jeff and Alan back!!) On Tuesday evening they had an interview with Richard Petty about what he thinks about the “scandals” and about the changes that NASCAR has made recently. It really grated my nerves to hear him introduced as the “7-time Nextel Cup Champion.” Richard Petty was a 7-time Winston Cup champion. There was no such thing as the “Nextel Cup” when he was racing. Just one more sign of the times, I suppose. Oh yeah, and NASCAR changed the points system again this year; guess they still don’t have it right. Hmmmm…. maybe they shouldn’t have messed with it to begin with?

As much as I enjoy watching it, I’m really getting weary of the commercialism of it all. I’m tired of constantly hearing about the official motor oil of NASCAR, the official package delivery service, the official soda, the official sports drink, the official pizza and the official office supply store — just to name a few. The day they announce the official tampon of NASCAR is the day I depart. Someone recently did a study of commercials during the Gatorade twin races. According to his stats, a full 1/4 of the broadcast was commercials. That’s 52 minutes of commercials, folks. I can’t wait to see what it works out to be for the 500!

Ok, just one last thing to rail about and then I’ll get off of my soapbox….. the Car of Tomorrow. The cars have been b@stardized to the point of being almost indistinguishable from each other except for the big decal up front with their model name. This sport started out with the “run what ya brung” principal. Not only did the drivers need to be skilled, but their crews had to be creative at engineering. They were innovators. And they drove real cars — cars that you could buy on a showroom floor. I think that the Car of Tomorrow is the next-to-last nail in the coffin.

And so, I present my Immodest Proposal:

Rather than allowing the teams to build their cars and engines, NASCAR might as well just mandate that they all buy them from CarShop (a wholly owned subsidiary of NASCAR). The stickers for the car would be sent straight to CarShop by the sponsor, and the drivers would get their cars when they show up at the track on qualifying day. Since they wouldn’t be allowed to customize or work on their car in any way (if it breaks, you’re out), the only staff they’d need would be tire changers who would be independent contractors supplied by TireShop (a wholly owned subsidiary of NASCAR). Each team would be assigned a fuel carrier, employed by FuelShop (a wholly owned subsidiary of NASCAR). So, in reality, each team now consists of two people who don’t even need to own an engine shop, test facilities, haulers or even a real office. And all of money in the sport flows into the pockets of NASCAR and the France family — which is obviously the way that God intended it to be.

*tongue firmly inserted in cheek*

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